There are two types of people in this world: the ones who give and the ones who take. The ones who create value and the ones who exploit it. You feel me? We encounter these opposing forces in almost every aspect of life—whether in work, relationships, or how we interact with the world and those around us. The choices we make, big and small, define who we are and shape the world we live in.
For the past several years I’ve studied human behavior and one of the most fascinating aspects is a series of contrasts that highlight these opposing mindsets. It’s important to note that these distinctions are not meant to generalize or put people in boxes—human behavior is complex, and we all shift between different roles and mindsets depending on the situation and how self-aware we are or how committed we are to healing. However, recognizing these patterns can be a helpful tool in understanding how we interact with others. It can also help protect ourselves from those who use, take, abuse, or manipulate for their own gain.
The goal isn’t to judge, but to encourage self-reflection: Which side of the equation are you on? Do you give, or do you take? Do you seek collaboration, or do you crave control? Are you motivated by genuine kindness, or is your kindness calculated for personal gain?
The more we reflect on these contrasts, the better equipped we are to navigate the world—recognizing when we’re being taken advantage of and learning to protect ourselves from harmful patterns. So, take a moment and ask yourself—Which type of person are you, and which one do you want to be?
1. Those Who Work vs. Those Who Exploit the Workers
Working: The ones who roll up their sleeves and put in the effort. They value craftsmanship, dedication, and the results of hard work. The journey of creation is just as important as the end result for workers.
Exploiting: Those who benefit from others’ labor without putting in their fair share, often seeking shortcuts or ways to manipulate the system for their gain.
Reflection question: When I look at my own actions, can I recognize moments where I’ve truly contributed, or have I ever taken advantage of someone else’s work, even without realizing it? How can I ensure that I’m always putting in my fair share and respecting the efforts of others?
2. Those Who Give vs. Those Who Take
Giving: These are the people who offer their time, energy, or resources without expecting anything in return. Their satisfaction comes from the act itself.
Taking: The people who tend to take from others, sometimes without consideration for the effort involved. They can drain resources without replenishing them.
Reflection question: When I reflect on my own actions, do I give freely without expecting something in return, or have I found myself taking more than I should? How can I make sure I’m contributing in ways that honor others’ time and energy, rather than just taking from them?
3. Those Who Seek Collaboration vs. Those Who Seek Control
Collaboration: These individuals embrace teamwork and recognize that shared success is often more fulfilling. They seek harmony and collective input.
Control: On the other side are people who desire power or dominance. They prefer to lead and dictate terms rather than collaborate or listen.
Reflection question: When I look at my interactions with others, do I genuinely seek to collaborate and share ideas, or do I find myself trying to control situations or people to maintain power and feel safe? How can I shift my mindset toward collaboration, where everyone’s voice matters?
Those Who Do the Work vs. Those Who Steal the Work
Doing the Work: In relationships, these are the people who put in the effort to nurture the bond. They invest time, energy, and emotions to build a strong, supportive partnership, valuing both the journey and the growth that comes with it.
Stealing the Work: These are the individuals who take advantage of their partner’s efforts, reaping the rewards of a relationship without contributing equally. They may take their partner’s emotional labor, support, or sacrifices for granted, without offering the same in return.
Reflection question: When I look at my relationships, do I actively put in the effort to make them thrive, or have I ever found myself taking more than I give? Am I pulling my weight emotionally, or am I relying on my partner to do all the heavy lifting? How can I ensure that I’m always contributing to my relationships in meaningful and balanced ways?
Those Who Value How Things Feel vs. Those Who Value How Things Look
Feel: These individuals prioritize depth, authenticity, and the inner experience. They care about the quality of the moment, the connections they form, and the lasting impact of their actions. For them, the true essence of life lies in how it resonates with the heart, not just how it appears on the surface.
Look: In contrast, some people focus heavily on appearances—how things look to others, the image they project, and how they are perceived. This mindset often values perception over substance, seeking validation from external judgments rather than internal fulfillment.
Reflection question: When I look at my own life, do I prioritize genuine experiences and connections, or am I sometimes more concerned with how things appear to others? Do I find myself curating my life, my relationships, or my accomplishments for the sake of others’ approval, or am I satisfied with the depth and authenticity of what I experience, regardless of how it looks? How can I shift my focus to what truly matters to me, rather than what others think?
6. Those Who Are Kind Because It Feels Good vs. Those Who Use Calculated Kindness
True Kindness: These individuals offer kindness naturally, driven by a genuine desire to help or uplift others. Their kindness isn’t motivated by any expectation of return, but rather by the intrinsic joy they get from seeing others happy or relieved. For them, kindness is a reflection of their values and inner warmth.
Calculated Kindness: In contrast, some people practice kindness with an ulterior motive. Their actions are more strategic, aimed at achieving something for themselves—whether it’s gaining favor, manipulating a situation, or appearing virtuous to others. They might go out of their way to do good things, but there’s often an unspoken expectation that their kindness will lead to some personal gain.
Reflection question: When I think about my own acts of kindness, do I genuinely feel good about helping others, or have I ever extended kindness with the hope of getting something in return, whether it’s praise, validation, or a favor down the road? How do I balance genuine acts of kindness with moments where I might be subtly seeking something in return? Am I being honest with myself about my motivations, or am I more focused on the image of being kind rather than actually being kind?
7. Those Who Do the Right Thing When No One’s Looking vs. Those Who Do the Right Thing Only When People Are Watching
Doing the Right Thing When No One’s Looking: These individuals adhere to their moral compass, even when there’s no audience or external reward. Their integrity is unwavering, and they do what’s right simply because it aligns with their values—whether or not anyone is there to see it. They hold themselves accountable, regardless of circumstances.
Doing the Right Thing Only When People Are Watching: In contrast, some people are motivated by the presence of others, doing what’s right only when they know it will be seen or praised. Their actions are often driven by external validation, and they may act morally only when there’s something to gain, whether that’s approval, recognition, or maintaining an image.
Reflection question: When I reflect on my own actions, do I act according to my values, even when no one is watching, or do I find myself making moral choices primarily when there’s an audience? Have I ever done the right thing for the sake of recognition or approval, rather than out of true conviction? How can I become more consistent in aligning my actions with my values, regardless of who’s paying attention?
Conclusion:
At the end of the day, we all have choices in how we show up in the world. Whether we’re working, giving, collaborating, or making moral decisions, the way we act shapes not only our lives but the lives of those around us. We all shift between these contrasts at different points, but the key is being aware of which side we lean toward—and making intentional decisions about who we want to be.
As we navigate our relationships, careers, and personal growth, we can ask ourselves: Am I building the life I want with intention and authenticity, or am I letting outside pressures guide my choices? By reflecting on these contrasts, we can better understand ourselves and protect ourselves from negative patterns—whether it’s exploitation, manipulation, or just living inauthentically.
So, the question remains: Which type of person are you, and which one do you want to be? The power to choose is always in our hands. Let’s make it count.
Written by Shannon Kaiser and AI
