The Struggle Is Oh So Sexy… Until It’s Not.

I’m not one to use the word sexy often if ever, nor do I enjoy the idea of struggle, but recently I came upon a profound expression of human truth, my aha moment.

The struggles we feel in life can, indeed, be sexy.

Allow me to explain.

The past few months, I’ve struggled. I struggled to “promote” my new book, I struggled to write my next book, I struggled with my coaching prices, I’ve struggled with my weight, my finances, my agent, my dog getting older … the list carries on. Struggling has been my way of life. You’d think the constant tension nagging my every move would be patterns of old behavior, especially since I write books and articles about how to be happy, but struggling has been my go-to form of existence.

As I saturated myself in resistance, trying to “figure things out,” I was growing stale in the struggling, the trying, manipulating hope that turned quickly into hopelessness.

But then it hit me: through all this tension and piled up anxiety was an opportunity for divine intervention. Perhaps my struggle was the universe’s way of saying, “Hey lady, stop trying so hard. There is a better way. In the surrender you will find release just let go.”

But what if we don’t want to let go? Everyone says surrender is the key to overcoming tough times, but what if my tough time is designed by choice? What if I secretly like the struggle because—dare I say it—it is SEXY?

Yes, that’s right. In the struggle we find our truth, we find our raw courage and the stuff we are really made of. The struggle paves the way for better opportunities, for soul realignment and divine connection.

Struggling provides a platform for profound spiritual growth. What if we struggle in life because there’s an opportunity within us that is yearning for a deeper understanding and connection to life?

Life without setbacks would be rather boring. Plain. Vanilla, if you will. We think we want a life free of struggle, we all wait impatiently for a struggle-free life, but being human means feeling fully all the edges of life, and with that comes expressions of frustration, anxiety, insecurity, and, yes, even worry all parading around in struggle.

But we don’t have to struggle…it is a choice.

Perhaps the struggle is the pathway to the true reward. The inner peace we all strive for can only be felt when we know the opposite. Even so, we don’t all have to struggle and we don’t always have to struggle, but many of us unknowingly use the struggle for strength because without struggle, we wouldn’t truly know what we are capable of. We actually save ourselves from living a painfully boring life. The struggle adds contrast, depth, and character. What if we were to embrace the struggle?

Here I sit after days, weeks, months of struggling. Trying to make things that don’t want to work, work, hoping, wishing, praying for a miracle. In all my dissolved, unmet expectations, I sit comfortably, fully present and in full gratitude for my struggles. Because they have carved me into a stronger human. They have helped me become more of who I really want to be.

They do not define me, they simply nudge me into new awareness as I seek my truth. But this is by choice.

Staying in the struggle is NOT sexy.

We get to choose how we want to play with the struggle. Struggling for weeks, months, or even years is terrifying. This is the choice. We can perceive the setbacks in our life as problems, or we can rise up and accept them as pathways.

The struggle is not sexy if we stay in it; if we let it define our very existence and predict our future then we let it win. This is fear masquerading around, dancing freely in the playground of uncertainty. We must participate in the struggle by taking hold and redirecting our life into the direction we want. The struggle is sexy only when we recognize the struggle and then use it to propel us forward by taking action out of the struggle. We use it as a trampoline to jumpstart our ideal outcome.

This looks like being frustrated because you can’t lose weight, and instead of going to guilt or shame and berating yourself for eating too much at dinner, you turn to compassion and love and say, “I’m doing the best I can, and for today I appreciate all that I am.”

This looks like not having enough money to pay your next bill, but instead of allowing fear and worry to take hold, you sit in gratitude for what you do have and can currently afford.

This looks like letting go of all negative beliefs that are holding you back and focusing your attention solely on what you want, which gives no room for worry to set in. Can you focus forward with clarity, confidence, and joy? That is when the struggle is sexy.

We have a choice. We can let our struggles define us, hold us back, and keep us playing small, or we can address them, thank them for showing up, and use them to jumpstart us in the direction that makes our souls feel alive.

If you’re in a situation that feels insurmountable, impossible, and trying to every fiber of your being, consider your future self has designed this task at hand to help you become more of who you really want to be because there is enormous growth in the struggle.

It’s the kind of growth that can only be found in the trenches of darkness; only then can we discover our true strength and courage, which in turn will reveal the light.

A message to the problem that is trying to bring you down:

Dear Suffering,

You can try to tear me down. You can try to take everything I have, and try if you will to break me down until there is nothing left, but I am stronger than you. I will be rising. I am more courageous than my setbacks. You do not define me, nor do I need you in order to shine. You need me to validate your existence, but I don’t need you. You are no longer welcome in my life.

It’s time we part ways.

I let go of you.

I release you.

I am ready to thrive, free of worry, free of your pain.

I step fully into the light.

I rise to shine.