Featured in “Chicken Soup for the Soul The Magic of Mothers and Daughters”
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
~Maori Proverb
I can’t believe I am doing this again. I am crying hysterically, hidden behind the closed bathroom door at work. I seem to have it together everywhere else, but every time I come into work a dark, hellacious shadow invades my view. I don’t belong here, yet I can’t seem to find away out. I have to face it — I hate my job!
I am in a role that does not play to any of my strengths. Every day I keep hoping my boss will recognize my good ideas and promote me, but I feel invisible here. Less than a year ago, I was making four times as much money, I was in a leadership role, and I was doing work that I loved. Then I was laid off. Now I am stuck in a dead-end job that I can’t find any passion for. I look into the bathroom mirror and splash water on my face. I say to myself, “Get it together girl, you are living through the largest economic depression since the 1930s; be happy you even have a job.”
I pull myself together long enough to finish my shift. As I exit my workplace, I gaze across the shopping center and see a beautiful version of what I’ll likely look like in thirty years. To my amazement, my mother is approaching me. Before I can even ask what she’s doing here, she explains: “I had a feeling you needed a friend today. So I cleared my schedule and came to say hi! Are you off work now?” I reach out for one of her world famous hugs, and say, “Mom, you are so amazing; your timing couldn’t be better. Lets go get dinner.”
For the past few months, my job situation has gone from okay to horrible. My mother has patiently listened as I’ve shared how things keep getting worse. As we sit down for dinner I go over the details of my day, but exclude the tale of my bathroom breakdown. Before I can finish the story, my mother reaches across the booth, grabs my hands and says, “What would it take… how much money would you need, to get peace of mind and quit? I’m convinced that you are blocking your true self by staying in this toxic environment.”
As the words come out of her mouth, a weight miraculously lifts off my shoulders. I answer, “I have enough money in savings to hold me over until I find a job!” At this moment, I realize I have been trapping myself. No one is keeping me in this painful job except for me. My mother just reminded me that in life we always have choices. I can choose to be happy. One small comment from my mother opened the space in my mind to have a transformational shift. I realize that up until now, I have been making excuses, finding reasons to justify dealing with my unhappiness instead of seeking to change my circumstances. I just couldn’t see the way out through the fear that was consuming me. My mother helped peel the blinders back.
I take my mother’s advice and put in my two-week notice at work. My manager tells me that when I walked into work that day, I exuded a calm presence that she hadn’t seen in me before. I don’t want to tell her that the reason for my changed mood was that I finally felt free and alive again. When I tell her “I quit!” I don’t just mean quitting this job. Internally, I understand that I’m also quitting my routine of excuses and justification. From now on, I resolve that I will always choose love over fear. Of course, I don’t say any of this to my manager. Instead I simply smile and say, “Thank you for this opportunity, but I’ve realized that it is my time to leave.” As I push through the last two weeks in this job, I try to leave the fear behind. I try to trust in my safety net, but the reality is that I do not have another job lined up and I begin to worry. I feel that I’m taking a giant leap of faith. What if I don’t get a job for months? The anxiety creeps back in. Precisely at that moment I get a text message from my mom. It reads, “Trust your heart; you are doing the right thing. Today is the first day of the rest of your life; the rest is still unwritten.” I smile at my mother’s words, and realize she is right; everything is in divine order. It seems like my mother’s timing is yet again perfect. Literally five minutes after my mother’s message I receive a phone call from my future employers. They want me to start full-time as soon as possible… making twice my current income!
I am immediately filled with gratitude. My mother was the guiding light who helped me get back on track. Mothers have a way of knowing and guiding when we go astray. I needed a wake-up call. My mother swooped in at the moment I most needed her to shower me with her wisdom and love.
