“Life isn’t about the final destination or the accomplishments and accolades; it’s about the journey and the opportunities for learning—and how we grow as a result.” – Michael Eisen
Trauma can come in many different forms, and the severity of it depends on many factors. One thing is true of all people who suffer a traumatic experience; it changes us, and the way we look at the world.
I remember standing in line in elementary school to document my health information for my fourth grade student ID. The other students were standing in groups of 2 or more, laughing and smiling with one another. My eyes were zoomed in on the cold tile floor. I was alone and filled with anxiety. I was in line to weigh myself…in front of the entire fourth grade class. I was crying hysterically on the inside, terrified of the results that would soon follow.
I stepped up onto the sterile white box, and the teacher announced loudly 145! The chatter in the room jolted to a halt, and all eyes fixated on me. I was paralyzed, like a deer caught in headlights. I stood on that scale terrified as my peers and teacher looked at me with disappointment, shock, pity and disdain. The average fourth grader weighs about 70-80 lbs., which put me in at a whopping 75 lbs. overweight, twice the size of my classmates.
A boy snapped aloud, “You are a whale!” and the whole room roared with laughter. Like any good, strong little girl, I held back my tears, until I got home and connected with my best friends…peanut butter cups, ice cream and potato chips.
Food became my source of comfort to avoid the feelings of unworthiness. After all, my teacher and parents didn’t seem to understand me. They thought I just needed to use will power to curb my appetite, they assumed the problem was food. But my endless appetite had nothing to do with food, and everything to do with a desperate attempt to feel safe, accepted and appreciated. It was an empty void that lived inside of me throughout my youth. No matter how much I ate, I could never quit get enough.
The bottomless pit of feeling unworthy, unloved, under appreciated and misunderstood stayed with me throughout my entire childhood, the larger my weight, the more I was bullied. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, and this cycle continued throughout my childhood and early adulthood. The compulsive over eating turned into an obsession to control my surroundings. The more the outside world reminded me how unworthy I was, the more I resorted to self-sabotage. I was living a traumatic rollercoaster of fear, denial and toxic self-abuse.
Over time I recognized that the root of my issues was not the outside world, but my own beliefs about myself. If I believed I was ugly, fat and unworthy, then the world would respond that way. If I wanted a different life experience, I realized I would first need to change my personal beliefs.
I took responsibility for my life, and slowly, but surely, things started to change for me. I lost weight, my relationships became more fulfilling and my connection to God deepened.
I learned to recognize that my past doesn’t create my reality nor does it need to define my future.
We all have traumatic experiences that happen to us. With each moment we have a choice, to grab ahold of the bars on the roller coaster of life, squeeze our eyes shut, and kick and scream on the way down, or we can throw our hands up in the air, open our eyes, and embrace the experience fully.
I understand that we are all human and doing the best we can. I don’t blame anyone for my childhood, but I do make an attempt to help the next generation in the best way I can.
Today, I teach at the Art Institute. As a teacher, I make a conscious effort to lift up, empower and support my students.
Today’s youth do not have to suffer through bullying, feeling inadequate, unloved, or unsafe. We, as adults, have the responsibility to show them love, show them the light, and treat them with open arms and a warm heart.
I recently came across a book that connected so deeply with my experience that it is worth sharing. Michael Eisen the Founder of Youth Wellness Network cowrote with his father Jeffrey Eisen Empowered YOUth: A Father and Son’s Journey to Conscious Living.
This book pulled at my heartstrings as it took me back through my own journey and reminded me that we are not alone. The suffering we feel is part of a larger picture and can be healed with love, support and conscious living. The book is a must read for anyone who wants to improve a relationship with a parent, a child, or their SELF. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.
Inspirational Quotes from Empowered YOUth:
1. “No matter what a person’s life looks like from the outside, it’s what he’s feeling on the inside that creates his reality.”
2. “As we grow over time, it becomes clear that what we believe is the root of all that we create. Our successes, failures, joys, and sorrows all come about because of the beliefs that are holding us in place. Therefore, in order for any life experience to change, our root beliefs need to change first.”
3. “Taking responsibility means accepting that you have the power to create the life you truly want. If you pass off this responsibility, deny your power, or blame others for the choices you make, you’ll find it increasingly difficult to live a happy life.”
4. “The truth is, you don’t have to wait until you’re at the bottom before you start climbing back to the top—you just have to be self-aware enough to stop yourself midfall.”
5. “Life isn’t about the final destination or the accomplishments and accolades; it’s about the journey and the opportunities for learning—and how we grow as a result.”
6. “I always felt as if life was happening to me, but I’ve come to realize now that life happens for me.”
7. “I realized that I was in charge of my life, and by changing my thoughts and beliefs I could not only cope, but transform any issue into an opportunity for growth.”
8. “So many of us have lost our connection to what feels right because we’ve sentenced ourselves to trying to please others.”
9. “It was as if I were walking around with a cup, tirelessly begging others to fill it with respect, validation, encouragement, and love, none of which I was able to give to myself.”
10. “The most important thing educators and parents can do for students is help them to realize that the more they’re able to love themselves during this time [high school], the better off they’ll be.”
I’ve learned that the greatest gift we can give to the world is to love ourselves. And teach love, by being love.
For more about Michael visit Youth Wellness Network or get the empowering book here.
