Watch the this weeks episode of Find Your Happy TV – Stop Being at War With Yourself

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The negative voice in our head can talk us out of what we really want and it can make us feel less than, unworthy and fill us with shame and regret.  If unchecked, that voice will wreak havoc on our lives. Our inner critic can literally make us feel like we are in a battle with ourselves.

Many of my private coaching clients express how much of their life is spent battling with themselves, and they know those battles are preventing them from moving toward what they really want.

Self-acceptance is about recognizing that where you are is right where you need to be. Letting go of regrets and mistakes can help you be more present, but there is more to loving yourself and accepting who you are than just pumping yourself up with feel good mantras and positive vibes.

A few short years ago, I couldn’t even look in the mirror without feeling self-hate and mental agony. Over the past few years, I have worked overtime to accept myself fully and love who I am. For most of my life, I felt so much shame over how I looked and the way my body is. It wasn’t until I started to practice these key steps that the agonizing war I was waging with myself subsided.

I’ve received countless letters from readers suffering from eating disorders, low self-esteem, and harsh self-judgment – exactly what I went through for so many years. I choose to write my next book Mental Makeover because I know there are many people out there feeling stuck in the self-sabotage trap.  Although the book doesn’t come out until 2015, I want to share these steps to ending your internal war with yourself now.

1. Allow Awareness

Becoming aware of our negative self talk is the first step to disengaging with it. For the next week allow awareness and turn inward when you start to self-sabotage and say nasty things to yourself. Recognize the conversation for what it is, and then ask yourself if your thoughts and feelings reflect reality. Your loving self, your true self, will only be able to answer with love.  Those negative thoughts stem from fear, which means they are not real. Catch yourself moment by moment and repeat the mantra “Only love is real.” Soon enough the negative thoughts will die down.

2. Let Go of How Your Life “Looks” and Dedicate Yourself to Focusing on How Your Life “Feels.” 

Stop trying so hard to make your life fit what the world thinks you should do. Only you know what is best for you. If you have a desire that feels good in your heart, that desire is yours to honor and nurture. Trust that when you lean inward to focus on how your life feels you will disengage with the negative self-talk. Your heart will be driving the show and you will be happier.

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

When we compare ourselves to others we fall into despair. We separate ourselves from them and we feel less than or unworthy. Instead of focusing on others, turn your attention inward. Recognize that you are created to be unique and just as you are. Celebrate your differences and let yourself be happy for the traits you love about yourself.

4. Grasp the Good

Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about yourself, grasp the good things that you can rejoice in. Perhaps you don’t like how much weight you have gained, but you love that you have beautiful hair or a wonderful smile. Focusing on the traits, qualities and aspects of yourself that you do like will take your attention off of what is not working.  This will also help you create more positive energy and momentum to allow yourself to create loving thoughts toward yourself.

5. Turn Your Lack to Love 

Any area of your life or your self-image that you struggle to accept can be transformed with love. Instead of feeling like you have made mistakes, or as if there is something wrong with you, flood the situation with love and light. I literally would hug my body and look in the mirror sending love to the areas I felt insecure about. I started to talk more kindly to myself. I was compassionate and gentle instead of mean.

If you want to go deeper into this topic check out my May Group Coaching, Find Your Purpose & Passion. Only 7 days left to sign up.