How to Love Yourself and Increase Your Self-Esteem

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Do you have low self-esteem? Maybe you lack self-confidence? And what the heck is self-love anyway?

All of these words get thrown around, but at the core of everything we want in life, it always comes back to acceptance of self and feeling confident.

Think about any goal you have – to lose weight, find true love, make more money – it always comes back to self-acceptance and more confidence.

If you avoid mirrors, deflect compliments or are afraid to show your true self, you are not alone.

A few years ago, I was getting ready to go on Seattle’s morning television show to talk about how to be happy. As I brushed my hair for the segment, I looked into my eyes and immediately burst into tears. I was ashamed at how much weight I had gained. I was mad at myself for past relationship mistakes and felt like a total fraud because, at that point, I loved my life but I didn’t love myself.

And there I was, going on television in front of thousands of viewers and a live audience to share my advice. I realized in that moment things needed to change. But my lack of self-esteem was blocking me from being of the highest service. Little did I know at the time, my lack of self-acceptance was actually the greatest gift of all.

For the next two years, I went on a deep inward journey to find what I needed most: self-love. I wrote about my process to discovering my best self and falling in love with me, as I am now. Not when I lose weight. Not when I have more money. Not when I am in a relationship. NOW. In this moment.

And that signature process landed me a book deal with one of the largest publishers in the world, Penguin Random House. I share my self-love process on how to build more self-esteem and fall in love with yourself in my next book Adventures for Your Soul, (you can pre-order it here) coming out in August 2015. But I don’t want you to wait until then to get the tips.

If you are insecure and lack confidence, these three powerful steps will help you immediately.

1. Accept All You Are Instead of What You Are Not

Consider everything you have been through has actually helped you become who you are meant to be. The past mistakes, the size of your body, the lack of money or clear direction is all part of a bigger life plan. Once you can accept where you are and all you have been through, you will feel more self-love and purpose. Catch yourself when you compare yourself to others, and each time you find yourself feeling down because of what you don’t have, or how you don’t look, repeat this mantra:

“I accept all that I am, including what I am not. I am comfortable with who I am because there are no mistakes. I am made with love.”

2. Run to Love Instead of Away From Your Fear

Most of us spend so much time running away from our fears, we actually run straight into them. I used to be turned off by overly confident people and those who seemed to be egotistical and into themselves.

I thought it was so unattractive, I spent decades hiding myself behind baggy clothes, unhealthy habits and with men I didn’t really like. This kept me playing small. I was so afraid of turning into an egotistical, stuck-up jerk that I shied away from all complements and opportunities. Until I realized that:

“Me playing small serves no one. I choose to shine my gorgeous light.” Oh that’s good stuff… Tweet me

Once I realized there is a huge difference between being confident and accepting yourself and bragging about yourself, I saw the power of self-love. It all comes back to self-respect. When you respect yourself, you won’t allow yourself to wreck yourself. People who respect themselves also respect others, therefore they aren’t jerks. They are compassionate and loving and that is sexy.

Look at what you are running away from. Are you afraid to be awesome? Are you worried you will turn into an ego maniac? Address your fear by running straight toward what you want, instead falling into what you don’t want.

3. Forgive Yourself

Today my life is much different than the sunken sad girl. I wake up and look in the mirror with gratitude and appreciation. I actually love my body and send kind thoughts to it. I am happier than I ever thought possible because I allowed myself to be me. But none of this would have been possible without self-forgiveness.

Forgiveness is about letting go and giving yourself permission to move on. When you forgive yourself, you are saying enough harboring bad emotions from the past. Let’s get up, move forward and do the best we can. When you practice self-forgiveness, you create space for loving energy to enter and you feel more self-compassion and trust. When you trust yourself, you make smarter decisions and feel more self-control, esteem and happiness.

Awesome Opportunity: Write down the mistakes you think you have made. And then ask yourself what valuable lesson you learned from each one. You will see that every setback is actually an opportunity for a deep blessing to occur.

For example, I forgave myself for gaining all the extra weight because I recognized the lesson it brought me: to accept myself from the inside out. My new belief became “it’s what’s on the inside that matters most.” The human heart is stronger than any physical attribute or outward focus of beauty. And you, my dear friend, have an amazing heart. Show your true self to the world. Your heart can never be wrong.

Awesome Action: What one action step will you take this week to be more nurturing to yourself? Leave your thoughts in the comments.