Trying to Fix a Frustrating Problem But Feel Blocked? Here’s Why…

Have you ever said, “If only I had more money, then I could do what I really want with my life,” or “If only I lost more weight, I could start dating again,” “If only I were healthier, then I could be happier”?

Despite what you might believe about yourself, you are not broken, you are not your problems, there’s nothing to fix, you’re not off-track, there’s not something wrong with you, your insecurities are not hindering you, and your flaws don’t make you weak, unlovable, or unsuccessful. You are not doomed to fail or stay stuck forever. Your angst, insecurities, and fears are not the problem in your life. What if I told you that the only problem is that you think it is a problem? And your attention on the problem is what keeps it from going away.

I just discovered John Gabriel’s book The Gabriel Method (life changing, BTW), and he talks about the work of Ken Wilber and his breakthrough book No Boundary. Wilber says if you want to get rid of any offensive aspect of yourself and the negative thoughts and feelings associated with it, the best way to do it is to accept them and integrate them into your consciousness. Wilber says these things we reject about ourselves alienate us from what we think is the real us, which is what causes us the real issues. Negative thoughts about ourselves are like naughty children who intentionally cause problems because they want attention and need some love. These thoughts can cause all sorts of negative feelings.

Most of us are walking around feeling inadequate and flawed, and we mentally beat ourselves up about it. We think there’s something wrong with us because we can’t break our habits, or change our ways, or fix our flaws, but these flaws aren’t really flaws.

But most of us don’t want to accept our flaws because we think they are bad or somehow make us ugly, or unlovable. Then we feel shame because we can’t seem to change or fix them.

But flaws and problems in your life, much like a child acting up, get rewarded with negative attention. They may continue to act bad because the negative attention is better than no attention, right? So these areas of your life that you despise and are trying so hard to “fix” don’t need to be fixed, they need to be loved.

Can you love your problems? Your insecurities, your so-called flaws. The moment you do, you begin the healing process.

See where we are going here? Your insecurities, the problems and flaws you have, are really just parts of you that need attention and love. So this process you are about to embark on is the true way to reach your best self, and it starts by accepting yourself as you are. And we can do that by loving our flaws and insecurities. We can do this when we understand why they are in our life.

So instead of trying to fix you, how about loving you? These steps can help:

1. Use positive affirmations

You can train your brain to see the good, and that is where it has to start. Your brain sends signals to your body, making you feel different things based on the triggers it sent. If your brain is sending out negative messages, you will not feel good about yourself. Instead, focus on positive thoughts—using affirmations or mantras works great for me.

Some good mantras to use to help you break free from the pain of your insecurities:

“I am willing to live my life in new ways.”

“I am secure and safe.”

“I am worthy of my desires.”

2. Stop trying

Stop trying to heal, fix, or change you. There is a great power in words, and the word trying has a grasping energy. It focuses on how you have not yet reached your goal. Trying is desperate and needy. Instead of saying “I am trying to fix me or change this habit,” say “I am learning how to change this situation. I am leaning how to embrace the problem so I can learn from it.” There is a power in words, so use yours purposely.

3. Stand by you

Don’t abandon yourself when you have a setback or fall off the wagon. Stand tall and proud next to you. You are you. There is no separate “bad you” and “good you.” It is all you, so celebrate all that you are and see that this pain you are carrying around is part of your journey to help you learn more about you and invite more love in. Release the shame.

This week, send yourself more love and appreciation. Recognize that you are not flawed. The habits you hate, the health issues you can’t seem to fix, are not problems but solutions to your highest good.

Sending you love and tons of light,

Shannon