Share the LOVE – Click to TWEET this video!
I recently told a friend that I am moving to Hawaii for the spring. I just assumed that other people would be happy for me; after all, I am following my heart and living my dreams. When my friend responded with, “You are so selfish and only think about yourself! You’ll be back in a month because it is so expensive there!” I pulled the deer in headlights move! Shocked, confused and paralyzed by WTF?
BAM! That’s right! My friend of the past 14 years told me I was selfish for following my heart. I could have flipped out on her; instead I asked myself what I could learn from the experience?
I learned:
- She isn’t as good a friend as I thought.
- What people say is a reflection of their thoughts and fears not yours.
- Following your heart and making your dreams come true can make some people extremely uncomfortable.
What I wanted was support. What I got was disdain and rejection.
Maybe you can relate. Have you ever told someone about your goal, and they reacted less than supportively? This happens a lot when we start making goals and seeing them come true. Whatever your goal, if you decide to travel to Bali for a few months, quit your corporate job (go, you, go!), or you are finally ready to write that novel, dreams take courage. Dreaming can be risky, and when we act on our dreams, the risk is amplified in others. Dreamers set the stage for what is possible, they paint a picture of an ideal life, and, for some this creates fear as they battle with their own lost hopes and desires.
Many of us don’t give ourselves permission to dream. It is too risky and we say things like, “I might fail!” This keeps us locked into the fear danger zone. If you are dreaming, you are a visionary; someone stepping into the brave new world of “I MATTER and my dreams are worth it.” Give yourself credit; what you are doing is amazing!
Your job and mission as a dreamer is not to be derailed by unsupportive people.
Be confident in your own heart’s desires. Your dreams matter and they are part of you for a reason. The more confident you are in your dreams, the less you will need others approval. If you are going to other people hoping they will support and approve of your goal…fat chance! The truth is, not everyone will support you. Guess what though, that is perfectly okay. Just as you might not understand why someone wants to achieve their dream, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Not everyone’s dreams fit for everyone. The best thing you can do as a supportive friend and dreamer is to be happy for other dreamers by supporting what makes them happy, and doing things in your own life that make you happy. Stop trying to please everyone by sacrificing yourself.
As a dreamer your job is not to get everyone on board with your plan, but to actualize your plan. Focus on actionable steps that will make your goals a reality.
Focus on the results not the reasons
Marie Forleo says, “We have reasons or results.” If you are in Reason-ville, you are more consumed with why it won’t work, “Ahem Hawaii is too expensive!”, or how it is a bad idea because of x, y or z. Results focused people make their goals come true because they focus on the results they want, rather then the reasons it can’t work.
Are you in reasons or results mode? Your focus will predict your success. Instead of listening to my friend’s reasons why moving to Hawaii was a bad idea, I focused my attention on the results I wanted to achieve. To wake up and surf in the warm ocean, to be sun kissed and return to my fit lean self, to be inspired by nature and the Aloha life. These things jazz me up; what jazzes you up? Find the results you want and your reasons will fall away fast.
What people say is a reflection of them not you.
The more I step into my ideal life, the more I learn about those around me. When you share your dream with others and they don’t support you, it has nothing to do with you. People’s reactions most often reflect their own insecurities and fears. Be okay with not having everyone’s approval; the only thing that matters is your own self-approval.
If you are dreaming and looking for support for your dreams, turn inward. Your heart will be the best cheerleader to help you get to where you really want to be. When you start leading your life with your dreams in full focus, you will see those people in your life that really matter rise with you and fully support you.
Image Getty Images
THANK YOU, SHANNON! This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. You are a light in my life. ps: Your dog is a beauty. xo
I am so glad this message resonated. Thanks for sharing and Tucker says Hi:)
Shannon, you are wonderful, and inspiring!!! I recently have made some really big positive changes in my life, and have been struggling with the people around me not being very supportive of those changes. This video was perfect timing, I really needed to hear it!! Thank you! Congratulations on making the choice to move to Hawaii, what a beautiful place! By the way your book “Find your Happy” is one of my very favorite books, it was eye opening for me.
Great job making positive changes. You go girl! So happy you liked and found your happy. Hugs, Shannon
Hello, dear Shannon!
Thank you so much for your video messages, which to my mind very helpful and give me a lot of useful information, how to make my dreams come true.
I am looking forward for next video episode.
Best wishes, Borys
So happy you liked it. Thank you.
Hi-5 …. right on! Thanks for being an inspiration to live your dreams, follow you heart … inspire of what you trip over, it is what it is… keep on dreaming, holding the faith, and being in the moment.
Thank you so much for this vlog and post–it was exactly what I needed right now. I just launched my #PassLove campaign and am trying to dramatically shift many elements of my life in order to help others and seriously change the world through love. So many people are disinclined to help me or to say that “I’m crazy” and being open and vulnerable and going after your dreams can be scary for other people to see. The important thing is to listen to them, respect what makes them uncomfortable, and see how you can BOTH help each other on the path to happiness… (And know that yes, sometimes people are just uncomfortable or feeling insecure!) But listening is key to loving and showing kindness to others…. 🙂 Thanks for posting!!
Kudos on your for making a dream come true and taking actions.
I do agree that believing in ourselves is the one driving force that will make us more forward. Until we believe in ourselves no one else belief and support will be the motivator, but they will be our life force, when that will feed us to start believing in ourselves.
Now for the however part. Except number 2, the other two lessons you have learned are as judging and hurtful as your friend’s behavior, IF that is the whole story behind them moving from the XOXOX to F-off list in mere 30 seconds.
Most of us have been in situation where we have reacted in way that was less then what the other person was wishing for, whether because we didn’t have the capacity to be there for them at that moment, because we didn’t know differently or we didn’t understand what was expected of us.
When asking someone for something we need to try to be clear what we are requesting, especially after sharing something and not getting what we wanted.
If looking for someone to share into our happiness we can say or follow up with: ‘It has taken me some time, and it has not been an easy decision, but I have finally decided and made plans to move to Hawaii for the spring. I feel very excited and (insert your own list of feelings here), and I am sharing this with you because I need your support at the moment and I need to hear that you are happy for me.’
We also have another choice how to react to their comments that hurt us, and that is with empathy for what is going on with them at that very moment. Something like: ‘Are you worried because you think it will be very hard for me being there on my own?’. They might be simply concerned for you, or scared that they will lose you as a friend.
As in their reaction maybe being a reflection of their own fears you are right, but what if they were afraid that something might happen to you?
Thank you for sharing all great points and I am happy this message touched you.
Great message! (It was a bit dizzying to watch.) I’m glad you posted this! More often than I’d like to admit I come across this situation…BUT now I know how to deal. Self-reflection! What can I learn from this response? What I could learn from the experience? Thanks again!!!! BTW, I will continue to follow my dream! Thanks for your support!! BTW enjoy Hawaii!
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Hello Dear,
I am pleased to pronounce you a blessing to those who find. Thanks for the inspiration.
Cheers
I am so very happy to have found your website. You have given me the answers I have been searching for high and low. I finally feel like someone understands what I am going through at this time in my life.
thank you and I am looking forward to learning and reading more from you.