How to Forgive Yourself in 3 Super Easy Steps

Anger. You may have felt it over the past couple weeks. When situations happen that don’t make sense, or people do things we don’t understand, it can be easy to go to hate, blame, and anger. But these are emotions masquerading around in fear. Fear is just pain that needs more love. So perhaps a better way to live is, instead of focusing on the anger, focus on healing the pain.

We can never control what is happening outside of ourselves. But we can be reasonable for our own life and the amount of fear or love we personally project.

Over the past week, I decided to do something radically different. Instead of pointing fingers, blaming ,or condemning others for their actions, I decided to look inward. I realized I was attacking myself with hurtful sayings like “You aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.” I was sending hate into the world because I hated myself.

Are you mad at yourself? Many of us hold on to internal anger and it manifests into habits, addictions, problems, even fights with others. It can cause us even more problems, and sometimes we don’t even realize it. 

You may be holding on to anger at others, feeling mad at the world’s state of affairs. But this is anger in your heart. If you want to release that pain, start with your own life and look at where you are holding on to anger at yourself.

Maybe you are mad things didn’t go the way you wanted in a past relationship. Or perhaps you are frustrated at the way you left your last job, wondering if you could have said or done something better to be at more peace with the situation.

We all have anger—it’s part of being human—but holding on to that emotion can devastate your heart. In today’s video I share how to forgive yourself. Because when you clean up your own thoughts, you clean up the world.

1. Look at what you do to avoid the pain.

Sometimes we hold signatures of events with us. We overcompensate as we grow up; we overspend, overwork, overeat, etc. This is because we are trying to cover up the painful experience that is embedded in our memories. Revisiting the situation will help you see your role in it. You may be mad at yourself about the way things played out—be willing to forgive and let go. But identifying what you do to avoid the pain will help you see the destruction from those habits. Instead of running from the pain, turn inward to heal it. You can do this with compassion and giving yourself love.

2. Make forgiveness a practice.

Forgiveness is a practice, and the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. It’s hard to forgive ourselves because we feel guilty, as if we didn’t live up to our expectations of what we wanted in life. But treating forgiveness like a practice, much like yoga or going to the gym, will help you be more compassionate to yourself, and this is where forgiveness begins. Sometimes just being willing to forgive will guide you to release internal resentment.

3. You are getting soul lessons.

What you are going through is part of your soul’s plan. It may be hard to understand at first, but imagine that what you are going through is exactly what you need to experience in order to become the person you want to be. You are learning lessons in this process of releasing anger and resentment. You’re healing and growing more into the person you want to be.

Please be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Healing and forgiving yourself is one of the fastest ways to heal the world. It starts with yourself.