How to Deal With Challenging People

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Mothers have a special way of giving us some of the best advice. Whenever a challenging person came into my life, my mother would always tell me, “What you see in others is what you have in yourself.”

In other words, if you don’t like something in another person, most likely you have the same quality in yourself, other people reflect what we think, feel, and do. It used to bug me when she said this, because on some grand level I knew she was right.

I had a friend in 3rd grade who was really mean and always judging other people. I used to tell her to be nice to them, and she would just turn into an angry monster. I never understood how she could be so cruel. It hurt me to see her bully other kids but then my mom told me that she was just reflecting me. I would argue that I was not mean to people. After all, I was the one who offers free hugs. I didn’t get it.

But one day at school one of the class clowns walked by and mooed at me while I ate my lunch. I immediately felt like a slob. I looked down at my belly and thought at age 9, “You are such a roly poly, no wonder you don’t have many friends, you are a chub a lub.” The realization that I was just like my so-called friend knocked me over.

She may have been lashing out and making fun of other people, but this was my internal dialog every day. I was being unkind to myself. I was yelling, sabotaging, and saying hurtful things to myself. Obviously, I was just like her, only the person I hurt wasn’t others, it was myself.

I quickly recognized the power of the mirror technique that every situation can be an opportunity for us to learn and grow. If you are going through a challenging experience involving someone else, use this technique to help you get to the core of the issue.

See That Everything is a Reflection

Recognize that what we see in other people is a reflection of ourselves, and, by the same token, what you think becomes your reality. So if we are thinking mean, unkind thoughts, then the world will respond in mean, unkind ways. We always get what we believe.

Detox Your Thoughts

A Course in Miracles teaches that our outside world is a reflection of our internal state, which means how we feel on the inside will showcase in our outer world. If I felt unattractive and ugly, I found myself in ugly situations. To clean up relationships, you can start by cleaning up your thoughts.

It wasn’t until I applied the mirror technique did I shift my perception to more awareness and the truth. If you are dealing with a challenging person, try the mirror technique.

Get out a pen and paper and try reflecting on these questions.

1. Recognize that what you see in others is what you don’t like or want to work on in yourself.

2. Ask what is this bringing up for me?

3. How is this reflecting something I need to work on or accept in myself?

4. What is this situation trying to teach me?

As always, I would love to hear what resonates below.

What action step will you take to resolve the issue with that challenging person in your life?