I have been waiting pretty much my entire life for my “real life” to begin. I spent the majority of teens and early twenties trying to get out into the “real world.” Once I landed my so-called dream job in advertising, it felt nothing like what I hoped. My doctor diagnosed me with depression; along with suffering through eating disorders, I was still waiting for my “real life” to start. I longed to be a writer, but fears about letting go of all I had worked for separated me from my “real life.” Yet, letting go of who I thought I needed to be in order to become who I really was, was the greatest choice I ever made.
I finally got up enough courage to leave the advertising industry and find happiness free from depression, but here I sit six years later with two best-selling books, a new one about to come out that will be released in several countries across the globe, a booming life coaching and speaking business … yet I am still feeling like my “real life” is just around the corner.
I am living it, the dream life I was waiting for, yet it doesn’t always feel like my life.
My professional dreams have come true for the most part—the national TV appearance hasn’t happened yet, nor has Sandra Bullock played my life story on the big screen, but I’ve had a half a decade of doing what I love.
That should be enough. But is it possible humans are conditioned to always strive for more? We long for tomorrows to help fulfill our todays. It’s the “when is the tomorrow going to be today?” syndrome. Most of us wait for happiness to come in some elusive expectation, but meanwhile our life is happening now.
When I pictured myself at this point, I imagined I’d be sitting next to Oprah, with Elizabeth Gilbert praising my latest literary wonder; on the TED Talks stage with a standing ovation at the end; and in white dress, barefoot on the beach with the love of my life.
These sweet visions still exist in my dreams. But they are not yet my reality. Is it possible our dreams distract us from reality? Here I am, living the life I spent years only dreaming about, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am not quite where I think I should be. Do we all do this? This constant quest for more, reaching for untapped dreams that live only in our hearts. They burn to be realized, but will they ever make us whole? Every time we get what we want, we just turn our attention to the next big thing. Perhaps it is in the wanting and waiting we find balance in life.
The real challenge is learning to see we are whole and complete in this moment.
Just as we are sitting here right now, we are enough. Those dreams are nice to have, but they don’t make or break us. Life is the process and unfolding of glorious challenges filled with moments of inspiration—we just need to recognize this truth.
When we get honest with ourselves, the painted version of our perfect life is often better than our reality because we imagine ourselves free of insecurities and flaws.
It’s not just these experiences we aspire to have, it’s who we’ve become in those experiences. In our minds, most often we are worry-free, thinner, smarter, and richer as well. Our problems are worked out and we are free to just be.
Perhaps the reason I am still waiting for my ideal life to begin is because at this point, when I pictured myself as a successful writer, I also imagined myself with a husband, at peace with my life, and in a slim, lean body.
But I am still an overweight, plus-size woman struggling with full acceptance of her body. So here I sit— welcome to my “real life.”
After a three-year dating sabbatical—yes, three years of my life I have been single and man free, which in itself is a huge feat—I find myself wondering if this successful, overweight, single writer can fully celebrate life instead of waiting for it to happen.
Today I choose to embrace all that is. My large body, my failed diets, dating disasters, articles and book ideas that have been rejected. Because for every so-called failure, there is an opportunity for growth. Every insecurity or flaw I have that I think is holding me back is actually an opening into a greater understanding of who I really am.
I step into full acceptance of the journey. Today is the only day we have. I choose to accept it and all that is in it. Can you do the same? Waiting for tomorrow for your life to really begin is just a fear-based cop-out to keep us from being fully alive and present in our lives. But this is it! This is your real life.
I’m over waiting. I choose to embrace my real life and love every moment of it—because at the end of the day, each day, no matter what it holds, is a celebration. Life is a gift.
This article inspired by —Robin Black’s contribution “Am I Waiting for My Real Life to Begin” in 2015 O Magazine’s “20 More Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself.”
An except of this original article was featured on Mind Body Green
Love this! This is exactly where I am in life. I’m excited to be walking a path similar to yours and seeing us both grow xxx
Thank you! I needed this today. I’ve been struggling with staying present and appreciating all the good I have in my life. Too much day dreaming of my”real life”… it stops today.
Well done Shannon, I don’t know if it helps or not but after a 25 year career in a very rewarding field I ask my self the same question, was the whole push to the next level worth all the sacrifice? I missed the chance to appreciate a lot of moments by looking forward to the next.
Thank Greg for your comment and sharing. Glad you liked this post.
Dear Shannon
I love your writing. This is so true. It’s the part about you imagine when you get what you want you will be a different person, free of any insecurities. I’d never thought of that before. I am always wanting the next thing. I remember being 8 or 9 and getting to a pub for dinner (which we never did) and saying “what time are we leaving?” It’s hard to live in the now. But it’s good to know it’s not just me. Love Treena
Treena, thank you so much for your kind words and sharing. Just be, yes! XO, Shannon
Thank you for this important reminder, Shannon. I am at a place where I keep waiting to start my life. I am going through a divorce, looking for a job (after having retired!)and just wanting to get to the “place” where I am divorced and I have a job. I am trying very hard to be in the moment. I practice gratitude daily. I write in my “Happy Journal” at least 3 things that made me happy that day (I do this right before bed so I go to sleep with happy thoughts). I am also learning to love myself again. Full plate – LOL Right now, this moment, I am here typing with gratitude for what you wrote.
Hi Shannon!
Thank you so much for this post – your honesty and openness touched me and I can see me in you today.. Your post uplifts me from this same exact feeling of ‘when and how do I get there’. It’s tiring to live in future plans! 😉 thank you for this wonderfully written message that reminds me that today is the day.
Much love,
Sandrine
This is so important! For so long I’ve dreamed on the person I wished to be, as if I could wake up in the morning and “wow!” all my problems are fixed and I’m finally a happy successful person with no body fat on the wrong places. Until the day I decided that, if I want to be a person I’m proud of, I should start working on this right now! Taking small, slow steps, I’m finally accepting who I am, because I’m proud of having the motivation to treat myself. I’m learning to enjoy the steps instead of just focusing on the results, and it’s working so far.
This is beautiful. I am so happy you shared and acceptance is working for you. You said it best, slow, small steps are the best. Catch my hug, Shannon
Thank you for being “real”. Thank you for sharing your own struggles and questions about life. Today, before I read your article I was judging myself against other articles Ive read lately about what it is to be happy by other authors. Im so glad I came across your email today! You have no idea how uplifting your words are! Thanks Shannon!
I am so happy you found my article today and it came to you at the right time. So much love to you. Shannon
Thank you so much for this! I always have this thing that says that I’m not where I want to be and it just makes me feel like crap when you see so many people my age living their dreams and I’m not.
Shannon you inspire me. You have a great and positive outlook on life that makes me re-open my eyes, heart and soul. Thank you. It doesnt matter if you are thin, a litle overweigth, whatever challenges we are facing, we all have one thing incommon. We have to strive and work for the benifits of our soul surching,I kind of thinking of it this way, that we all have a purpose in life, we have different challenges who makes us grow in what erea we need it most. anyway thanks!
Thank you so much Karina, I agree with you 100%, thank you so much for sharing. Hugs, Shannon
what do you do when the journey is getting real tiring? Like for 30 years of a journey. I’m so tired of working so hard, like a hamster on a treadmill, getting practically no where… all the while trying to learn and enjoy the moment. What do you do when you hit the wall in this journey? I honestly read, practice and do all the intentional exercise yet I’m still getting absolutely no where. -any advice? about to lose hope.
Thank you so much for this beautiful message, dear Shannon!! Very inspiring and just what I need today! Thank you!
PS: I love seeing your dog (Tucker, wasn’t it?) strolling around in the background. He has become such a sweet addition to your videos!