Over the past few weeks there has been a slight shift in my life and focus forward.
Others around me seem to be projecting a lot more negativity, yet I feel more peace and self-love than ever.
For starters, there is this woman who hates me as a person (her words not mine). She actively harassed me and constantly attacked my character (this was an ongoing not isolated event). Her hate was consuming her. It made her irrational, stubborn, and disrespectful. Hate clouds our judgment. Despite her attempts to bring me down, I remained confident in myself and did not take on her point of view.
That’s the thing about people who expect you to buy into their negative points of view about you. When you don’t, it makes them even madder. She can say what she wants about me—it is her opinion and she has the right to that. But we have to remind ourselves that when others criticize us, their complaints are projections of their own insecurities and fear. We get to choose: do we take that on or not?
And for many years, 33 to be exact, I took on others’ points of views about me. They called me stupid and I believed them; they said I was ugly and I allowed that to be my fate. I was too fat, too messy, too rude, too nice … as long as I listened to the outside world and what others said about me, I could never do, be, or have enough.
There are 7 billion people in the world all trying to fit in. Every single one of them has a point of view and opinion. The only one that matters is yours and how you relate to yourself. You don’t have to take on their beliefs and make them your own.
But would you believe something changed for me last month. I let go of it all. I stopped trying to please others. I stopped focusing on the outside and shifted to loving myself on the inside. The shift for me over the past few weeks has been self-love. I’ve reached a new level of acceptance. Suddenly it made sense: To stop hating myself is to raise the vibration and love on the planet. To stop loathing thyself is to reduce the negativity and pain in the world. You can make a profound difference by being kind to YOU.
Much like a big heavy cloak, it dropped to the floor and I instantly felt lighter, happier, and more at peace. Because the only thing that matters is how I see myself; my own relationship with me is my truth. It’s between me and my higher power.
It didn’t come because I lost weight, it didn’t come because I found my soul mate or started making more money. It came because I allowed myself to receive it in the moment. Self-acceptance is available to us in every moment, but we have to invite it in.
I sit here still overweight and single and needing more money to do the things I really want to do, but instead of waiting for those things to happen before I could love myself or be happy with me and my life, I now feel happy and connected to me in this moment. The result: I have more love in my heart than I’ve ever had before.
Most of us wait for self-love and respect. We wait until we lose the weight, or land our dream job, or win the lottery, or meet the person who completes us … this is an elusive “there.” We wait for it impatiently, but meanwhile we self-loath and ridicule ourselves, which in essence makes it impossible for us to get what we want. Why not reverse it? Why not give yourself what you desire now: self-love and respect? You deserve it in this moment. Invite love in, because as long as you love, you have everything you need.
Here’s the thing about self-acceptance. When you love yourself, others can’t bring you down. But that doesn’t mean they go away or don’t try. In fact, over the past few weeks I’ve seen more negative comments on my blog, vlogs, and videos than ever before. People are actually attacking my character and saying I am an unfit person to give life advice because I am overweight. Strangers are telling me I am ugly and should not be helping people because I am tough to look at.
It is as if the universe is trying to test me: do you really love yourself in the face of these “attacks”? My answer: HECK YES! I am confident in who I am because God made me, and God is love. The more I trust my higher power, the easier it is to love myself. These comments don’t hurt because I won’t even allow them to sink in. It’s not about me. Their words are a result of their own pain, and sending attacks out into the world defines them, not me.
The truth about people who try to bring you down is that they lack the confidence you have. They fear what you shine. People are scared of things they don’t understand. But I am done trying to fit in to please others’ insecurities.
I stand tall and proud of me. I invite you to stand tall alongside with me.
When we attack others we are not standing in our truth. The same goes when we attack ourselves. It is pain projected out into the world. Anywhere there is pain is an invitation to love. Instead of attacking with harsh words or judgments on to others or yourself, learn to lean into love. When we attack, we are allowing fear to make our choices. When others make fun of you, attack your character, or ridicule you for your choices or point of view, it is because they are isolated in fear.
We are more than what scares us. Let love be your compass. Haters are going to attack, but it has nothing to do with you or me. It is all on them. The best thing we can do is send them love. Because they desperately need it.
I remain in my truth, which is love, and you owe it to yourself to love you. Because this is the truth: when others attack you with negativity, it is just them trying to make sense of a world that has caused them pain. They are hurting and need love, so you can send it to them. When you respect yourself, that energy is ricocheted out into the world. And people may try to lash out. It’s not about you—it is all on them.
Keep going onward with the love you feel for you. Because when you love yourself, you can’t help but extend that love to everyone you meet.
It always starts with you.
There is not a thing about you that is not worthy of love! You are merely the representation or courage to make positive changes to those who are too scared to move forward with their own lives. Often we are intimidated by another’s positive impact upon the world. Thanks for sharing this. It has occurred to me that as I move out into the world with my own writing, this is something I, too, may come across. But the thing is not to wait until all the conditions are perfect to get it out there!
Susan, thank you for your comment and sharing. I am so honored this post resonated with you and inspired you to keep writing. Go on girl, get out there indeed:) XO Love, Shannon
Shannon,
I have been following you for sometime now. I am old enough to be your mother.
Just the other day I was compared to another teacher by an angry parent. I stood firm and told her I am K.D. and I’ll never be so and so. She sat and stared at me. I went home that day feeling sick. I kept telling myself I’m never going to get used to being put down!!!
Your words today give me courage. You are so young to stand tall. You are correct people are afraid. I think people are rude. They believe spouting off their negative insights is normal. It’s not normal. My VP comforted me with these words, “There are millions of people in this universe don’t let one mom stop you from being the great teacher that you already are.”
The amazing Joyce Meyer had an experience like you described when she decided to become a pastor. I am grateful that you are on your journey of self love. You are beautiful!
I so love this, can relate to it
Dear Shannon,
Thank you for this. Sometimes one comes across a blog that just resonates for them. I have been struggling for so long with ‘loving’ myself that my life is so off track. It is posts like this that give me strength and hope that I can also get to this wonderful place you talk about.
Warm regards,
C
Hi Shannon, thanks for the sincere and amazing blog, you are such an amazing person and I follow your vlogs every week and am always so inspired of how much love, joy and enthusiasm you bring. Keep up the good work, you really do make the world a better place 🙂
I love what you wrote! I’m so happy you came to this realization at such a young age. I am 61 and I only figured this out this past summer when I was really, really thinking about the Reiki principle – be kind to yourself and others. Women are so often hard on themselves. You are so right about raising the vibration for the planet through love. May God bless you for all your work- much love sent to you!
This is a wonderful post! You are an inspiration to me. I love your viewpoints on living life happy and healthy. You have a way of making complicated emotional obstacles break down into easy to understand solutions for not just coping with life, but turning it into something positive. I can’t believe people have anything negative to say about you or your work. Please keep writing and putting positive content out into the world.
When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. – African proverb.
brilliant. Thanks for sharing.
Right on Shannon!
You are a courageous, compassionate, strong, and ever growing beauty inside and out. Love your commitment to self healing and sharing with others, we heal the world by healing ourselves and sharing our inner wisdom and gifts. Keep on shining your light.
xo,
Susan
Yes, yes yes! It’s all about self love and a sense of inner peace. I too am overweight and single and haven’t yet forged the career I have dreamed for myself yet I find joy in every day because I love myself and the beautiful soul I am. Shine on dear Shannon!!
I worry sometimes about what people think of me and then I recite these two affirmations that help me out a lot. “People’s Opinion of you are None of your Business” and “What people say about your is their Karma how you react is yours”. Keep those two affirmations in mind and it should make it a lot easier to stop worrying about what people think of you.
Both very good ones. Thank you for sharing them here.
Shannon,
Thanks for posting this. <3 Good Stuff! Do you have any tips for how to stop a negative mental soundtrack?
The past few weeks, I've caught a subconscious soundtrack running, saying the most AWFUL things about myself. BOO! I wonder how often that soundtrack is running and I am not aware of it.
In yoga this week, I was feeling so happy and present in the moment, until we turned towards the mirror and I caught a glimpse of myself. It crushed my good attitude to see the overweight person in the mirror–she looks so unhealthy. She doesn't match the "me" i feel like on the inside. Prior to seeing my overweight body, I was feeling so happy and positive and present. After seeing myself, I felt so judgey and disappointed.
I'm so WITH you on the value to loving ourselves no matter where we're at on our journeys, but do you have any tricks or exercises to help get us there?
Thanks,
Star
Shannon, I have only been following you for a few months and I truly enjoy watching your videos and reading your articles. You are a beautiful and intelligent woman. As an older woman, I have found that life does not always get easier but how well you handle those hurdles can make all the difference and you have helped me tremendously. If I could go back in time I would have you by my side as the ultimate cheerleader to guide and heal me. Because I can’t change my past, with your help I can live today in a better way. Thank you for all that you do to help me as well as many others out there. I send you love and please know that at any time you feel emotionally abused, there are those of us who will never hesitate to rescue and uplift you with the strength of our love.
Karen, your words touched my heart. Thank you so much for all of your love and support. I am both thrilled and honored my work has helped you. Catch my hug, sending you love and light. Love, Shannon
I love your blogs and posts. I’m still reading your Find your Happy book. It inspires me that someone has had similar struggles….that I am not alone. You are special and I think really cool b/c you include your dog in your vlogs….I, too, am a dog lover. It just shows me how cool you are and I respect you for your opinions and directions in life. You’re awesome. Thank you for creating these informative talks.
I am so happy you like Tucker cameos. I am glad you like the videos. Give your furry friends hugs.
Shannon, You are an inspirational Light in our world.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
And, you always support the keys to finding spiritual perfection within an imperfect world:
Acceptance
Understanding
Compassion
Forgiveness
Unconditional Loving.
You epitomize all of those qualities! Hurray for your awesome beautiful mind, body and soul! Blessings and Joy, Laurie
Laurie, thank you for your comment and pointing these beautiful qualities out. So much love in your message here. Thank you. Shannon
You’re the best!
Lovely post. Like you I’ve encountered some very negative people including a very threatening man on the bus the other evening – I stood up to him (ok maybe I wasn’t standing as I can’t stand on a moving bus due to injuries) but I didn’t let him intimidate me including when he told be to “Shut the F*** Up” while raising his hand to me. I didn’t even register the hand gesture until recanting the story to a friend and realized I knew details about his watch. All that to say it felt good not to give in to his hatred and even better to have my story passed along to the appropriate authorities who will watch for this man in the future. Hopefully, nobody else will be intimidated by him and his lies.
Thanks so much for your article so true and I can relate in all my 20yrs on my job I have never been attacked with such hate by another female coworker because I wear red lipstick yes how silly I was called a Jezebel and some other unflattering things but it’s who I am I love red and will continue to wear it. I wear it proud with no excuses I love me I had to realize with her it’s not about the lipstick it’s deeper than that and it’s ok she has to deal with her inner demons. So thanks again keep loving yourself haters are going to hate you can’t control it because it must be something you have that’s a threat to her.
Own your red lipstick. And so happy you understand it is not about you. Thank you for sharing.
OMG. I can’t believe the timing of your amazing, powerful words. I am suffering greatly at the moment due to the behavior of my eldest son and his partner. Without going into too much detail, she has never liked me and has shown me nothing but disrespect. After a recent visit they had with me with my little granddaughters, I had finally had enough. When they returned home, I sent her an email explaining how hurt I was by her behavior and complete lack of respect. That was over a week ago. No reply. When I spoke to my son about it yesterday, he said it had nothing to do with him, and basically I need to get over it. I am heartbroken. But your words this morning, have resonated with me like you wouldn’t believe.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hi Shannon,
I love your blog and I know that they have made a huge difference in my life. I think Rick Warren said it best.
“People are so focused on looking good and having the “goods” when they should be focused on being good and doing good.”
Other people will put you down and say that you aren’t pretty enough or that you weigh too much. Their focus is on the wrong things and you should stand proud of who you are and how many people you have helped. You are a good person who is doing good and God will reward you! Thank you! 🙂
Suze, Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your support and I love the quote you put here. Thank you for sharing the love. Shannon
Dear Shannon
This is so helpful and inspirational. I really enjoy watching your videos and hearing your messages. You are both beautiful inside and out. Thank you for the work that you do.
Dana
The thing is… No matter how much I love (or try to love) myself, there are some attacks that are difficult to just let slide. For instance, three of my co-workers have been on a year-long vendetta to undermine me and to destroy me and my career. It got so bad, their attacks and allegations were so nasty, that legal was involved (the investigation proved that their allegations and accusations were utterly baseless and the investigation was dropped, but my reputation has been damaged nevertheless). My department chair physically threatened me in my office a few nights ago. I was meeting with a student and he kicked her out of my office so he could attack, yell, threaten, and try to frighten me (she and another student witnessed it). I couldn’t let that go. I had to file an incident report with public safety because he had done something similar two days prior during our reappointment meeting. And I believe he will undermine me during the college-wide personnel and budget meeting where the department chairs all get together to listen to each other present their faculty and decide who gets reappointed and who doesn’t.
So the question is, what do we do when the threats, the attacks, the hatred from the haters have the the power to cause real physical, professional, or economic harm? I’m not saying I’m believing what they’re saying. But I can’t just ignore it all and hope that the Universe is going to fix it. One person can turn many others against us and that, in a setting like this, can have very real implications.
I’m trying not to become enveloped in fear. I’m doing my best not to be angry. I’m trying to love myself and let my inner light shine regardless of all of this. My program director thinks the problem is that the co-worker who spearheaded the vendetta is threatened by me because she sees me as a threat or an obstacle to her achieving her ambitions and goals (I don’t even want what she does and she knows nothing of my goals).
It’s tough. But I take comfort knowing I’m not the only person dealing with the haters.
Shannon, what an open and honest post. It brought back a strong memory. When I was your age (I too am old enough to be your mother) I had the same experience. I had ended a long term, abusive relationship about 10 months prior only to immediately jump into another intense relationship that ended quickly in flames. Fortunately by this point I was in recovery and had been seeing a good therapist. I too suddenly had the realization that I was tired of waiting around to be happy. I decided I was going to seek out the good, healthy things that made me happy on my own. I had some good support systems in place that helped tremendously. It hasn’t been a bed of roses. I still struggle sometimes. However it is so much better than it was. Lisa, if I was in your situation I would actively start looking to get out of there ASAP. It is liking being in an abusive relationship. Nothing like that is worth putting up with. I would venture a guess that you are a smart, capable woman and will be able to find something else. May not be what you think it should be but trust that the Universe will bring you something better (and safer).
Hi there. Something really similar happened to me this week. I started to love myself and everything inside of me has started to change. You are right about all what you said. if you love yourself you spread that love to the universe and the universe bring it back to you.
Thanks you for your words.
I think you’re beautiful and sexy, and have a smile that can light up a room! If i wasn’t married and 10….uh 15 years younger i would ask you out!
I am so disappointed with the world that people would actually stoop that low to hurt someone else who’s light is shining brightly. It’s because you are you that you have been an inspiration to me. No, you are not a super model by the worlds standards but you are to me. You are the real deal. I love your spirit and the way you talk about some of the struggles you have/had and how you turned them around. We all need to remove our filters and love ourselves just the way we are. Keep on shining your light Shannon. You have a whole pack of life lovers attracted to it.
Hello there,
I came across your website this morning actually. I totally love it. Can you please give us examples of how to start self acceptance, how to love yourself. You have mentioned ” let go of it all. I stopped trying to please others. I stopped focusing on the outside and shifted to loving myself on the inside. The shift for me over the past few weeks has been self-love”. How did you let go of them? How did you shift to loving yourself? I really do not know where and how to start from.
Many thanks in advance for your time and help!
Jeez, where to start with this one? I was always baffled by rude, obnoxious people who feel they have the right to spew their venom into my (or anyone’s) life. Once I realized that it was because they are absolutely miserable with themselves and want company, it became clear. A miserable person goes on the attack to feel better about themselves. It is nothing personal, if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. Plus, there will always be those who cannot stomach to watch someone be successful and happy. It becomes their personal mission to “bring them down a notch”. These people will never have power over me because I see them for what they are. You do too, and that’s why you are good at what you do. 🙂
Dear Shannon,
this article is just what I needed to read right now, thank you for writing it, thank you for having the courage and love to write it, obviously you have a beautiful spirit, but physically you are also beautiful, I was shocked to read that you have received such malicious and twisted comments! These people must be blinded by hate and pain and I salute you for sending them love (which they must desperately need) and I am glad that beyond that you pay them no heed.
With love and blessings,
Angela.
Shannon,
You are beautiful. I love watching your videos and seeing your joy through your smile. If someone is insulting you then obviously they have issues. This world is full of people in pain trying to inflict their pain on others. Keep posting and spreading your cheer around. You are an inspiration to many 🙂
Holly
What a breath of fresh air. Thanks for being YOU. Namaste
You posses the latest most marvelous attitude I learnt from Dr Oz’s show…its Fattitude!
Heck what most say, do they really care????