I’ve spent most of this past year emotionally invested in a person, thinking it would lead to real, lasting romance. True to my nature, I gnored every red flag, often reading into texts more then I should have. I played up situations in my mind, assuming the other person was on the same page.
This all changed last week, when I suddenly saw things clearly.
I was infatuated: head over heals in the deep sea of lustland with an emotionally unavailable man.
It seems I keep attracting the wrong men. After leaving a romantic relationship almost a year ago, I declared my self-single and happy, but secretly hoping my new love interest would take notice.
Months later, I am still waiting for the man I thought could be The One to notice me. If you are waiting for anyone to change, or notice you, move on! Quickly, run away as fast as you can.
As Oprah says, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” I painted pretty pictures of us moving to Hawaii together and living happily ever after with our golden retrievers and surf boards.
I was jolted back to reality when 10 months later, I am still waiting. In recognizing that I have been obsessed with emotionally unavailable men, I had to ask myself, Why am I attracted to men who aren’t ready to commit? Why do I keep repeating this pattern?
My inner voice chimed in and said, “We only accept the love we think we deserve.” If you find yourself wrapped up in an emotionally unavailable person, it’s okay. The best thing to do is get clear about your desires and let the person go. In doing this, you can make space for the right person. You are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Don’t allow anyone in your life to make you feel different.
Here are 5 signs that you may be attracted to an emotionally unavailable person.
1. You give more than you receive.
When dating or investing your time with an emotional unavailable person you may find yourself giving a lot more then you get. Whether you buy gifts, pay for dinner ALL the time, or they never say thank you, you are really never going to see the return on your investment. Do not wait around hoping they will change and suddenly shower you with flowers, love and attention. Do yourself a favor and move on quickly.
2. They don’t show up for you.
Whether you have a work event, a new promotion to celebrate or a book release party, if the person you care about isn’t showing up to support you then they are emotionally closed off. People who really care will make it happen and show up for you…no matter what.
3. They are poor communicators.
If your love interest doesn’t pick up the phone or give you a clear answer when you talk this is a red flag. If they only use text message to communicate with you this is another red flag.
4. They are full of excuses and indecisive.
If you try to make plans with an emotional unavailable person, it’s like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands, slippery and frustrating. They may be busy, tired, stressed overworked, or broke …. Whatever the reason, their excuses mean they are not open to long lasting love an intimate connection at this time. Move along.
5. They talk about their past A LOT.
If you find yourself in love with an emotional unavailable person, red flags pop up all the time. The one most women skip over is the way and how often they talk about their exes. If there is any animosity, anger or sadness surrounding their exes, they have not healed completely.
EXCELLENT BLOG… There’s a line in the old movie “Phenomenon” where John Travolta buys all the old chairs his girl makes and sells. He keeps buying them just so he can see her, but she has no idea what he’s doing with them all, etc. Later in the movie it comes up amongst the men talking and the message is, “find out what your partner is into and invest in it” or “buy her chairs” (whatever they may be.)
When I meet someone and they know what I do, and still do not choose to engage with me on any level (regarding the thing that THRILLS ME MORE THAN ANYTHING in life), it’s a really good sign that they won’t be supportive of me later on. In other words, in the beginning, when we put our “best foot forward,” if he’s not going to “buy my chairs now,” there is little hope he’ll spring for them later.
I always wondered if my gf loved me. sHe said she did but her actions never supported her words. All I wanted from her was to show me she cared for me. Never wanted her to change herself, I loved her but it only seemed she needed me on her terms. I felt unwanted, unloved. Tried to see if that feeling would change after a few months- never changed sadly. It was hard to let go since she was the woman i loved.She hide almost everything from me,but the last thing to think was that she could ever be cheating on me.recently i saw a referral on site on a cyber hacker”hackingloop6@gmail . c o m” whom i applied for his service that helped me hack and gain remote access to all her phone activities and exposed all she was doing behind me,both text messages,dating sites.I was totally shocked on how much fake people can pretend to be real I finally broke up with her recently and I can seriously say I’ll miss her but I’m glad I can finally be happy and know what I deserve.