A healthy relationship is based on trust, understanding, and mutual respect, (personal relationships and professional ones), but what happens when one person seeks to exploit these elements of a relationship in order to benefit themselves in some way?
Emotional manipulation in relationships can be difficult to recognize.
We all want to get our needs met, but not everyone has our best interest at heart, as manipulators use underhanded methods. Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics.
Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering as if the person has your highest concern in mind, but this is to reach their ulterior motive. It can be hard to discern what’s going on at first, and spotting these signs may be difficult at the beginning, but a manipulation is a form of abuse. Being on the receiving end of manipulation tactics in a relationship can have an impact on your mental health. But by learning to identify the signs, you can protect yourself and act on the situation.
The reality is manipulation can be a form of abuse. It is important to be aware of the emotional manipulation signs to watch for in your connections.
If you’re wondering, “Am I being manipulated?” Today’s resource is for you…
In my brand-new YouTube series Shannon Shares: Healing Through Self-Awareness and Self-Love, I cover mental health, psychology, and spirituality topics to help you feel empowered, and centered, and reclaim control and confidence in your life. As with all the work I do, the video resources are to support you on your life journey and help you know, love and be your true self.
Today’s video resource dives into the signs of emotional manipulation and what to look out for.
As someone who spent decades cycling in and out of toxic relations, I would have never thought to ask if someone is manipulating me. Yet, I always felt like my needs were not getting met, nor did they matter, I felt like the connections were not balanced and I had to sacrifice parts of myself to make the other person happy. Little did I know at the time, these are all side effects of emotional manipulators. Flash forward to today, the more inner child, healing work I’ve done, and spiritual growth I’ve committed to, the stronger I become. And the more I realize that most of my connections have been with manipulators.
The signs of emotional manipulation can be subtle. They’re often hard to identify, especially when they’re happening to you.
But if you find yourself constantly feeling taken advantage of, over-giving, or questing your connections, and feeling powerless, confused, or frustrated then you can learn to recognize the signs of manipulation and stop it. This video will help you improve your self-esteem and sanity, too.
It may take time to realize someone is emotionally manipulating you. The signs are subtle, and they often evolve over time.
But if you think you’re being treated in this way, trust your instincts.
You’ll need to learn techniques for managing them which I share in the video.
Signs You Are Being Emotionally Manipulated (and What to Do): Watch Here
Look at Their Values
So you’re starting to think about, Hmm, what’s going on here? Now, of course, when we talk about manipulation, the top level, how do you feel? It’s really important to tap into how you feel. We have to first start recognizing that there’s kind of two layers in which we move forward. Some people really look at the world in this lens of “What can I get? Give me more. How can I get more for me?” And a lot of times we want to look at the value system. Usually in this situation, there’s a value system of what they value, which is a lot of times money, greed, power, and control. “What can I get?”
People will usually want more control, more power, more money, and that’s the focus and that’s the drive. And then you have the “What can I give?” people. “What can I give?” comes from a place of service and “What can I get?” comes from a place of service to self. And when we’re talking about service to self, this is very much a position of “I am the only one that’s important.” When we talk about service to others, which is “What can I give?” This is a place of “How can I help?” And usually, the motivation and the value system is one of love, of expansion, of joy. Perhaps it’s of adding value to the world, of appreciation. So first off, the value systems are different. You can first ask yourself, “What is this person’s value system?” Now, in the beginning of a partnership, sometimes people, master manipulators, may try to convince you their values are the same. You want to play into this in the sense of go inward to your inner world and really tap into, “Do their actions match their words?” They will show you who they are and you get to respond and observe and take that information
Do They Have Taker or Giver Energy?
You can also ask, “Is the person I’m dealing with, are they a taker or a giver?” Ask yourself, “Do I feel like I’m kind of being taken advantage of?” And that’s actually one of the signs you might be with a manipulator. They might be taking advantage of you and using you for your time, money, energy, etc. Their thought process is, “What can I get from this person?” Although they’re telling you something, their actions are a little bit different. So there’s this disconnect and you’re feeling it. And if you’re starting to feel like you’re being taken advantage of, it’s a clear sign that maybe you are. Another way to tell is if you feel like you are giving more and it’s not reciprocal. It’s a very important kind of distinguishing thing to consider and look into.
Are They Consistent?
Ask, “Is this person consistent?” Is there a consistency with perhaps how they communicate? Are they pretty consistent with how they show up for you? But also it comes back again to the actions and are they following through on the actions and what they say they will do, or is it a bunch of empty promises? And the longer you get to know someone, the more you get to understand where they’re coming from. I had a pattern of constantly being in relationships with people who would just promise or say things that I don’t think they ever really meant. I was always wondering why people I’m with don’t keep their word. And it started to become a real big situation because the promises got bigger and they were always being broken. This was a major inconsistency. It was a pattern of really looking at people who overpromise often will just say what they want to say to get what they need in that moment. And this becomes a manipulative strategy, or they have no intention of really following through. So they’re just kind of coming at it right away to get what they need in this moment. It also comes when we talk about inconsistency and in-and-out energy. Are they coming in and out of your life, or are they backing away? Look at consistency on all layers, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Do you feel like you can rely on this person? If not, it’s another perhaps thing to look at.
Are They Playing the Victim?
Master manipulators will play the victim where they actually play up the problems in their life. Do you find yourself constantly trying to save them, help them, serve them, give them certain needs that are unmet over your own needs? When you show up for others at the sacrifice of self, you are hurting your own self. This is a manipulation, and a lot of times the takers will find the givers and they will take, take, take. It will never reverse itself because takers will only take. What this really comes back down to is a lack of accountability. If they are not taking responsibility for their life or if you start to hear the way they talk about other people in their life and it’s always everyone else’s fault, it’s always that person do this to me. Then take notice, they are wanting attention from you and are not usually interested in fixing problems but only creating them.
Do They Test You?
The final one I’m going to share today is actually one that doesn’t get talked about too much, but it’s a very manipulative strategy that happens quite a bit in very subtle ways. Ask yourself, “Do you feel like they’re testing you?” Testing you is something that a lot of people who are wanting to gain something from someone else will do because they want to see your level of participation in how you will show up for them. But what they do is they put you through tests, a lot of master manipulators or people who are trying to get something from you will calculate every move.
I was involved in a situation several years ago where I thought I was dating someone and we were going on these dates and getting to know one another. And then they, all of a sudden, they started talking about money a lot. Then I realized they were only spending time with me because they wanted me to be part of their marketing pyramid scheme. I thought I was getting involved in a relationship, and this person was just manipulating me, using me to try to get me in their business plan. And they were doing tests along the way to see if I would pass them.
Bottom line is, you really want to protect your energy and recognize that you deserve more. This is about you understanding that you have a particular process that you need to go through, and it’s really important to recognize your self-worth. That’s what this is about. So if you’re in a situation where you feel manipulated, you know, there’s a couple options. You don’t have to necessarily call out or address them or go straight to that person, because a lot of times these master manipulators, this is how they are; this is how they live. Confronting them just adds more drama and they thrive off of that.
So if you feel, every situation is different, but if you feel like you want to approach the person and talk to them, by all means do it in a very compassionate kind way and say, “Hey”—This is what I’ve done in my past. And when I start to feel like maybe I’m being taken advantage of or the manipulation is kind of coming in, I will say, “Hey, here’s my standards. I want reciprocation. I want someone who can respect me and understands that we’re working together as a partnership and it’s not a transactional relationship. If you can meet me here, great. If not, then this partnership doesn’t really belong in my life.” And lo and behold, soon after that, you will see their true colors. And when you see that, it’s up to you to really hold to your standards. So this is about raising your standards, loves. This is about you coming back into your own awesome, beautiful self.
I would love to hear in the comments what’s resonating for you. Thank you
Photo by Molly Blackbird on Unsplash
