Growing up I believed that fitting in was belonging. I wanted so much to be liked that I actually hid parts of the real me from others. I was afraid to speak up, or share my opinions, I went along with what others wanted to do, even if it made me uncomfortable. But even in my effort to fit in, I still felt like an outsider. People still made fun of me and talked behind my back. I decided that sacrificing myself to fit in was not a way to live, so instead of shying away from the real me, I began to express myself. There was a freedom that came from being more of my true self. I started to attract more like minded people and made real friends. What we all want is to be seen and understood, but how can we truly be appreciated if we aren’t being ourselves. What we want is to belong, and getting our needs meet is the key to a balanced life.
Here are tips from my latest book Joy Seeker, five ways to connect to your true self so you can feel a sense of belonging.
Let Go of Expectations
Our expectations will rob us of joy. When we expect things to be a certain way, we miss the awesome opportunities that could be happening instead. What expectation are you ready to release?
Go with the Way Things Are Going
When things don’t go our way, we tend to get upset. But if we can go the way things are going, then we find harmony. I practiced being present and accepting what is, and saw that there is great freedom in the release. We can have an amazing time just enjoying the present and the unfolding of life. Can you stop trying to control your outcome and release expectations? Let things be what they are and go with the way they are going. You’ll feel so much better.
Plan Less So You Can Live More
John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Whether we are traveling or in our own community at home, planning everything out can often stifle our creative expression. Life can’t surprise us; there are no wow moments to be experienced when you have everything planned out. Instead of trying to control everything, relax a little and leave room for surprises.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out. While traveling, my itinerary was carefully planned down to the hour. About two weeks into my trip, I recognized how limiting that was. So I let go of the structure and dived deeper into each moment. It led to so many amazing experiences that never would have happened if I was sticking to a plan. This doesn’t just apply to travel. It is about every area of your life. Where are you over-planning? We try to control our life because we feel out of control in certain areas. But when we let life take us where it wants to go and we trust the journey, we can experience so much more fulfillment and joy. The universe has a plan so much greater than your own.
Choose Passion and Purpose
The power of feeling connected to something larger than yourself is also about a sense of purpose. You have a purpose and it doesn’t always look like one thing. So often we think we need to do one job or have one clear mission, but your life is a tapestry of experiences and options. Instead of focusing so much on purpose, just live more on purpose and let your passion lead you.
Play More
We live in a society in which people wear exhaustion as a badge, trying one up each other with how busy they are. In fact, we don’t know how to rest or play and we feel guilty when we take time to enjoy the simple things. When was the last time you did something just for fun? Although I had a website called Play with the World for years, I hardly ever played. I loved what I did so much, and my writing and coaching felt like play, but no matter how much I enjoyed it, it was work. It occurred to me that working all the time, no matter how much I love it, couldn’t be good. I was shutting myself off from the rest of my life. All work and no play will keep us trapped in a bubble, with the rest of the world passing us by. Furthermore, we are layered beings, and we can’t get fulfillment from just one place. Wanting to find all my joy in my work is unbalanced, so I set out to do more playful things, take part in activities that I love, and by bringing play into my life I expanded my world.
What do you love to do? Do more of it!
This is an excerpt from my new book Joy Seeker: Let Go of What’s Holding You Back So You Can Live the Life You Were Made For.
Take This Lesson Deeper By Getting My New Book, Joy Seeker!
In Joy Seeker I share the step-by-step process for letting go of what’s holding you back so you can live the life you were made for.
This book is a path to discovering our true self—the hero within. The relentless pressure to succeed, measure up, and reach for ever higher goals can leave us feeling like we’re just not good enough—or that something’s missing. At the end of the day, after giving it our all, the last thing we want to feel is hopeless, anxious, and disconnected. Joy Seeker helps you reclaim your power and step into a meaningful, purpose driven joyful life. Get your copy here.
