Feeling left behind?
Wondering why other people have what you want?
Do you ever think, “When is it going to be my turn?”
In my coaching and live workshops, a lot of people come up to me and ask, “How do I stop comparing myself to others when they have what I want?”
Comparison and jealousy happen because we see something we want but don’t yet have. So our fear-based thoughts will jump in to make the situation worse and. cause us to panic. When others have what we want—whether it be more money, a promotion, the goal weight on the scale, a happy relationship, a child, more followers, a more prosperous business etc.—we often reflect back to ourselves and feel inadequate. It’s like we are doing something wrong because we haven’t achieved our goal yet. But this isn’t the case at all. You’re actually closer to your goal than you realize.
But realizing that the contrast—they seem happier, smarter richer—will often induce self-pity mode. This serves no one. So today I am going to help you bust through the comparison and jealousy trap. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you will feel empowered.
Here are three powerful ways to avoid comparison traps:
1. Give Thanks
When other people have what you want, it is the universe showing you what is possible for you and what is on its way.
When you see someone else who has what you want, mentally send them love and repeat, “Thank you for showing me what is possible for my own life.” For example, if you want a soul mate and everyone seems to be in relationships around you, instead of getting angry and resentful, recognize it as the universe showing you what is possible and on its way to you. Hold the faith.
2. Detach
When you compare yourself to someone else, it can be hard to focus on your own efforts and goals. Physically removing yourself from it will help. Honor your own needs by detaching from the situation that is causing you frustration. When you can do this, you will feel more empowered.
3. What Can I Do to Get What They Have?
Instead of saying, “How did they get that?” or “Why am I not getting the same thing?” simply repeat, “Well, what can I do to get results?” Bring your attention back to yourself and you will see changes forward.
For example, in the beginning of my career as a writer I would compare myself to other writers with larger online audiences. I felt so left out and behind because their platforms seemed to be growing faster. It wasn’t until I shifted my attention off of them and the outside world to my own internal actions that things begin to improve. Instead of asking “How did they get so many Facebook followers?” I asked myself “What can I do to get more Facebook followers?” and then I let my inner guide lead me.
It can be easy to compare yourself to others, but this just keeps you playing small and out of your own game of life. Next time comparison takes over, try these steps and watch how your life transforms.
How about you—what method do you use to stop comparing yourself to others? I would love to hear in the comment below. Let me know.
I just practice gratitude, say what I’m thankful for, creative visualization, or I just say “I’m going to be bigger than them.”